Betrayed

Betrayal. What an ugly word! By typing the word “betrayal” I have invited it before my mind. Instantly I wants to look away . . . to not attend to the unwanted guest. Betrayal’s presence hurts.

The word betrayal hurts because it represents my repeated experiences with betrayal. My life is riddled with varying intensities of betrayal.

These encounters hemorrhaged my heart and ruptured my relationships, leaving me in need of CPR. After a betrayal episode I could be in a Critical Care Unit for weeks, even months. Some have stayed in Critical Care Units for years.

How does betrayal double us over in gut-wrenching pain? What is its source of power? For instance, we know Spider Man got his super powers from a spider bite. What is the spider bite that empowers betrayal?

To answer this we must look at our design . . . at how God created us. Our original relationship DNA was void of betrayal. Adam and Eve lived in rich, safe union with God, so much so that they were “naked and unashamed” (Gen. 2:25). Simply put, they were not designed to experience betrayal.

To illustrate this think of decorating your home, you want to hang a beautiful picture of a landscape scene above your sofa. You have the nail but no hammer. So what do you do? Use the next best thing, a screwdriver. Now you can drive a nail into the wall with a screwdriver but that is not its original design. If you continue to use the screwdriver as a hammer it will fail you.

In the same way we were not designed for betrayal. Yes, we can betray and be betrayed but eventually it disfigures us. The disfiguring becomes a barrier to relationship fulfillment and satisfaction.

This is how it works. We must have closeness and intimacy to flourish. Betrayal enters the scene with such fury and force that we decide to cut ourselves off from others, including God.

Moving away from closeness and intimacy seems to be the answer at first. The walls we construct between ourselves and others allows us to relax and feel safe. Having spent butt-loads of energy building the walls we plop down exhausted but satisfied . . . at least for a time.

But after awhile our walls become a prison that keeps us from the life nourishing relationships we must have. We peer out the small peephole we created in our walls and dream of safe, satisfying relationships. Our heart aches as much from isolation as it did from betrayal.

Many of us spend our lives alternating between pursuing relationships that end in betrayal and hiding behind walls we construct that become our prison. In the next BLOG I will continue this theme and began to offer some direction for healing and growth. But for now I want you to do an exercise.

EXERCISE (allow 30 minutes for the exercise)
1. Get in a quiet place where you will not be disturbed.
2. Sit still in a relaxed position (be sure you have on comfortable clothes).
3. Close your eyes and breath in and out slowly 10 times.
4. When you inhale think “Lord, I breath in your life.” and when you exhale think “I breath out worry, stress, and distraction.”
5. When you are quiet on the inside invite the Holy Spirit to lead you . . . to guide you in this exercise.
6. Bring to your mind a memory of betrayal.
- see the one that betrayed you
- what do they look like?
- what did they do to betray you?
- what does the betrayal feel like as it embraces you?
- what are your thoughts about the betrayal?
- what do you want to do with the betrayal? the betrayer?
- keep yourself from turning away from the betrayal
7. Open your eyes and journal about your experience.
8. Put your journal and pen away, close your eyes, and ask the Holy Spirit to
quite you again.
9. Picture in you mind the walls you constructed to protect you from betrayal.
- what do they look like?
- put your hand on them . . . how they feel?
- what does it feel like sitting behind your walls?
- what thoughts do you have sitting behind your walls?
- now see your self going to one of the walls that has a peep-hole.
- look out the -peep-hole and see a person that you want to be with.
- feel the tension of being behind the wall and wanting to be with the person. –
- how does it feel? What thoughts do you have?
- what do you feel when you think about going outside of the walls?
- what do you feel when you think about staying behind the walls?
10. When you are ready turn to Jesus and say, “Lord, help me. Show me the
way. Speak to me.”