Dancing With Doubt

I was at a critical point in my graduate studies. The classroom work was complete and to prove my mastery of the material I was required to write a comprehensive exam over my masters and doctoral studies (four years of study). It would be two long days of writing. The professors gave me the general areas to study but not any real specifics. My mind raced about all they could ask me that I did not know. It was the most anxious 2 months of study that I had ever experienced. To add more pressure to the situation was the fact that I had to pass this exam to write my dissertation and graduate.

Throughout the two months of preparation I would frequently be mugged by intense doubt. At times it would be so forceful that I would be unable to lift a finger because of the sense of doom. I wasn’t just wondering if I would fail, I was sure of it.

Have you ever encountered this dastardly fellow called doubt? Has he ever made a personal house call to your address? Maybe you sensed his presence when you told your spouse you really wanted to be a better communicator but inside you were not sure you could pull it off. Or possibly doubt hit you when you failed the third time to resist your favorite mega-choclate bar. Doubt shouts that you will never keep up the exercise routine. What about when you decide to read your Bible and pray more regular knowing full well that you have never been consistent at this for more than a couple of weeks. Or like me you have wrestled with doubt that God will really be able to take care of ALL your needs. So what are we to do when this unwelcome guest shows up on our front porch with his suitcase threatening to stay a while?

Realize you are not alone in your struggle with doubt. Genesis 2 paints a marvelous picture of the relationship between Adam and Eve and their Creator. God would stroll with them in the cool of the day amidst a magnificent garden. God, the loving provider, met all of their needs. Yet all this changes in a few verses in chapter 3. The Bible introduces us to a serpent that gets Adam and Eve to mistrust or doubt God. These two, who lived in a sinless world with a Companion who was always faithful, would turn their back on Him when doubt showed up. Yes, doubt can lead sinless ones to be sinners. And that is exactly what happened. Doubt is born.

Let’s take a look at an individual in the New Testament who shocked me with his doubting. John the Baptist was a courageous prophet who called all to repentance. He appears to have the spiritual strength of a lion and appears to be immune to doubt of any sort. Yet before Herod beheads him he sends his disciples to Jesus with this painful question, “Are You the Coming One, or do we look for another?” John was the one who saw Jesus earlier and said, “Behold! The Lamb of god who takes away the sin of the world!” “He must increase and I must decrease,” are also the words of one sure of who Jesus is. Yet now with his death well in sight doubt arises. So he turns to Jesus for assurance (and I suggest that you do the same). You see wrestling with doubt places you in the company of the saints.

Cover or Confess? When I encounter doubt my tendency is to cover it up because I am not “suppose” to doubt. I act like a five year old who tries to hide that he has eaten a piece of forbidden chocolate cake by trying to get the icing off my face while trying to look innocent. None of that changed the fact that I had eaten the cake. I have now found that telling myself that I’m not suppose to doubt does not change the fact that I doubt. I have had much more success confessing to God that I doubt. For example, “Father, I am going to work on my anger but I really don’t see anyway I’ll improve.” So confess the doubt rather than cover it up.

Help My Unbelief. I love how often the Bible gives us a direct and forthright answer for many of our problems. These words of a father are recorded in Mark 9:24, “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!” What a great prayer! When we encounter doubt we turn to God and from our hearts ask God to help our unbelief. This allows the Spirit of God to transform our hearts.
The next time you sense God pointing you in a particular direction and your hearts fills with doubt remember that you are not alone in this adventure. I too am wanting Him to strengthen my faith.